“Interference…the word has a nature of obstruction to it. This is true. The 44th key centers around “human fractals”. These fractals are groups of people bound by patterns on a similar frequency. The nature of this shadow, when evident from the start in a dysfunctional family that one is born into, can be maddening…seemingly endless, seemingly perpetual. I felt this interference from my first memories. I lived this interference into adulthood. I saw the interference through the family tree as I built it in a genealogy site, tracing back generation by generation and researching the issues of each layer that was known or told to me in conversations, which gave clearer pictures of what I chose to be born into. Its some of this interference that became some of my goals to eradicate in my own intimate relationships, and those of my family. It was the humbling in the process to find that it wasn’t as easy as having the intention to break the molds…I was going to have to experience some of the same pain myself, and choose paths of response and change from the perspective of the experiencer, rather than the observer. For a long time, I felt like I was in the wrong place and in the wrong time. I wasn’t the same as them. In this age, I understand that I was in the right place and the right time, even if it felt chaotic. As a matter of fact, a twist of fate maybe…I feel in a way as though *I* was THE interference, in the process with my immediate family. I felt like the oddball in my intimate relationships and many friendships, the one that didn’t fit while the others seemed to blend with society around them. Yet, it is the process of learning those lessons that the biological family and the intimate relationships were providing. I feel I’ve experienced both the repressive and the reactive nature of this key’s shadow - distrustful with people due to previous experiences, and misjudging for the same reason. There is also a tie in at the shadow level with hierarchy…comparison and tiers of value that separate people…”

“The Pathway of Initiative is one that I feel I’ve been on constantly. The challenge of this pathway is to bring forth your creativity in ways that only you can. I’ve gone through a lot of questioning whether I had any creativity, into rebelling against anyone else’s templates, and then quite simply finding ways to express my uniqueness (including starting this website to blog on). A stripping away of external societal motivations such as money, status, fame, and material gains, and really getting down to what is inside, PERIOD.

Richard speaks of a right formula for initiative being a blend of tenderness and passion. It is an evolutionary discovery of passion while having tenderness that I go through.

It’s also synchronistic for me that this path holds the name of the 51st gift, and that Siddhi of Awakening speaks of how we each have to find our own path to awakening, “striking out alone” as Richard comments, saying “everything about this pathway is about going at it alone in the beginning”. I have a Midheaven in Aries in 51.5. The Midheaven being about career, public life, highest aspirations; Aries in this spot embodying independence, trailblazing, being a leader, and following one’s own instincts. I go beyond even “career” in this idea…I’m not interested in bringing my uniqueness out and then “wrapping it in a different package for the same old market”. I’m interested in very simply being authentic me and letting that be the example I lead by…”

“My Core sphere holds Gene Key 18.5. Gene Key 18 goes from the Shadow of Judgment, through the Gift of Integrity, to the Siddhi of Perfection. The 5th line in this sphere is “Guilt/Forgiveness”.

This key, in this sphere…whewwwww. The 18th key also governs the mental body (IQ sphere, in which mine is 64.2, so imagine how judgment also leads to confusion and plays into the whole mental trap). It is said that the 18th shadow has a built-in need to challenge authority, and that this process really begins when we enter that 3rd trimester of 14-21 years of age (IQ sphere). I certainly challenged authority of my parents, especially because they lived a way I did not ever want to…”

Taking the next jump, we cross the Pathway of Karma…

This pathway deals with karma as the transformational aspects of relationships that lead to the growth. What is most important for me to note here is the corroboration of the usage of samskaras between the Gene Keys (noted as “sanskaras” in the Venus Sequence in the section on the Pathway of Karma) and Michael Singer’s work in “Living Untethered”, and the part it plays in our journey.

From the Venus Sequence:

”In the Venus Sequence, we might view the sanskaras as a biogenetic sequence of codes that you inherited at the point of conception. As aspects of the sacred wound, your sanskaras are like a series of subtle memory slates stored inside your being, and each one refracts your view of life like a lens. Without your sanskaras, you would see life as it truly is, infinite and pure. However, your sanskaras skew your view of reality, making your life more challenging. Thus your sanskaras must be understood, purified, and transformed over the course of your life. This is their true purpose – to unlock the pathway to a higher consciousness, and to release the enormous healing capacity of the heart to love unconditionally.

Your Venus Sequence shows you the precise nature of your sanskaras as a sequence designed to be unlocked in a specific order. The Venus Sequence reveals to us how our sanskaras distort our awareness through the stages and cycles of our childhood. The unconscious patterns of the sacred wound are laid down in a sequence, and they can be unlocked and transformed in a sequence.”

From “Living Untethered”:

“Whether you use your will to resist or cling, these leftover impressions will stay in your mind. You’ve now created an entire layer of mind that’s holding your samskaras, your unfinished patterns from the past. You will come to see that these acts of clinging and resisting determine the quality of your life. These impressions distract your consciousness from the reality of the current moment. What is more, if you are constantly distracted by these samskaras in your mind, you’re never going to experience who you really are…”

The Purpose sphere in the Activation Sequence - what deeply fulfills me. My Purpose sphere is the 11.5. Gene Key 11 goes from the Shadow of Obscurity, through the Gift of Idealism, to the Siddhi of Light. The 5th line in this sphere is about voice and frequency.

I certainly spent much of my life in obscurity. When I had already started off life by feeling like I was supposed to be somewhere else, it was a focus on all things outside of me. I think that’s natural as people come into this world, discovering all that this life is about…but all I had to go on INSIDE of me was a deep sense of being lost; so instead of paying attention to my internal feelings, I focused on trying to figure out what was going on externally. This was compounded by a volatile home environment in childhood, to where anticipation and anxiety and stress of what will go on around me became normal. It shouldn’t be this way, I thought. There were times I simply felt forgotten. When my parents would drop my brothers and I off at our grandma’s for the weekend, and it became almost every weekend, I caught on to what was their focus at the time. When I entered a 5k fun run around 6 years old with one of my brothers, and at the shot of the gun to start the race my brother took off leaving me in a sea of strangers, I began to cry and sat down by a tree.

This led to the creation of beliefs about myself, my value and existence, and ironically one of those was that I wasn’t creative. I’d see my mother, brothers, and friends paint and draw with a natural skill, and so I tried to as well - and it just didn’t go well. When I was young, if a blank canvas or white paper was put in front of me and I was prompted to paint or draw something, I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I wondered how it was possible that people did this…to create from seeming scratch, through their mind. Maybe I’m just not meant to be creative either. Every way that I WAS creative, I dismissed it from being creative, as if it wasn’t good enough to be creative. I did that…

The Radiance sphere - what keeps me healthy. My Radiance sphere is the 12.5. Gene Key 12 goes from the Shadow of Vanity, through the Gift of Discrimination, to the Siddhi of Purity. The 5th line theme is Impact, and the 5th line is also about voice and frequency. I go back many years ago in contemplation for this key.

In childhood, the struggle of feeling so different from the environment I grew up in was real. I didn’t have a concept of WHY I felt so different, it was just THERE. My parents used substances to cope with problems, and so did everyone else around them from what I could tell. There was the masking of “having a good time” applied to a lot of the get togethers and places we went, but it was easy or sense all the discord and pain in those around. I didn’t understand how it equated to “having a good time”…it felt inauthentic. Yet, it was everywhere, and when the vast majority of people around you are saying or doing something and you’re not, you tend to question yourself on whether you’re the one who has a problem. One may think, “come on, in childhood, you’d have been too young to partake in substances like that to even know what the experience was like for the adults”…and to that I would say, “not so.” I was introduced to alcohol at a very young age, had my first sips of beer when I was two (yes, I remember), tried some of my dad’s Bacardi and Coke when I told him I could handle it as a 3-4 year old, later into adolescence would have wine coolers on New Year’s Eves, and on and on through the early years. I smoked my first cigarette when I was six. Smoking didn’t stick, and alcohol was given a much longer period of chance in my life, but just wasn’t for me either. I tried some of these things, and I tried first in order to live in the world of those around me…

The Evolution sphere - what I’m here to learn. My Evolution sphere is the 36.3. Gene Key 36 goes from the Shadow of Turbulence through the Gift of Humanity to the Siddhi of Compassion. The keynotes for Line 3 when it comes to the Evolution sphere are “Energy and Experience” - that it is about the experiences had, and not the destination - and to “break out of need for attention/approval by doing things without agenda.” In the first blog of the series, I mentioned that I was born into an emotionally turbulent environment, and full of conflict. Conflict and Turbulence being the Shadow frequencies of these two spheres for me, it has been easy to see how these themes have played their roles from the start, and the desire to climb out of them. As a young child in that environment, I went through the repressive nature of the 36 - Nervousness. Trying to resist the turbulence happening outside, in addition to trying to find peace at any cost. At that period of life and in those situations, getting peace was whatever pleased the parents enough to diffuse their volatility, or getting away. There was constant anticipation of what could happen next. Of course, the external turbulence and conflict back then was out of my control, and I didn’t know that there was nothing I could do to release and integrate these energies for others - that was their work - but I also didn’t have the presence of mind to allow myself to feel the turbulence and release it. I was scared too many times, and nothing was changing it for the better. It was an automatic anxiety, a tensing up, whenever alcohol or any other substance was in the picture. Protect myself. The work later on became being aware of the patterned bodily reactions showing up when the environment was no longer the same, but similar energy in others was present. Through progression and time, I have practiced becoming the observer of these nervous and anxious energies inside of me when they surface, or when I’m confronted with them from the external…and grasping that I am not those energies, I am experiencing them. From this stable, calm, peaceful place of observation, I am able to respond with clarity, while creating and upholding boundaries to not allow myself to accept responsibility for what comes from the external; this is being able to release the tension and respond from an internal authority rather than the anxious mind.

There has only been one thing more difficult in this life than relationships for me, and that has been being human. If you look at that in reverse, you can see a resistance in being human that can easily lead to a difficulty in relationships with humans. My childhood makes logical sense on why it has been a struggle to accept being human, but it goes deeper than that for me. I’ve really felt that way since birth. In Human Design, I bear by design the incarnation cross called the “Right Angle Cross of Eden 3”: one who is upset about being cast out of Eden and put into this world…and boy do I ever resonate with that. It also speaks that over time, I carry the energy to go out and explore the world, finding a slice of Eden here and sharing it with those around me. I feel it in my soul, that I am here to create Heaven on Earth in a way that I then share with others, and understand that it is going to be an evolution to do so. I do have moments, to this day, of questioning why I’m human, but they are becoming less and less, as I open up more. The Gift of Humanity in the 36th Gene Key is about going through great suffering, and in turn, understanding and accepting the suffering of being human and to hold space for others in doing so. The tandem work of the Gift in the 6th Key, Diplomacy, brings these two frequencies up simultaneously when letting go of victimhood and being able to communicate clearly with others…

My journey into energy work started with Reiki in 2018. I was taking concepts that I had read about over the years (albeit at more of a “piquing, but quiet, interest” back then, when there wasn’t really anyone around to talk to about it), such as chakras and channels, and beginning to open up further and dig into how that energy moves through the body; how it gets stuck in places, and what getting stuck in certain places may mean; how that blockage of energy corresponded with being out of alignment with one’s inner being.

With Reiki being “universal life force energy”, and how we often practice forms of connecting and grounding meditations - where you visualize pure energy coming from the cosmos/universe down through your crown chakra, continuing through all the chakras in your body, filling every cell, down through your feet and into the Earth, and then back up through to the Universe, thus an energetic line between the Universe and Earth through you that flows both ways - I was then fascinated when learning about my Human Design type of being a Pure Generator, how I am to have access to consistent Sacral life force energy that is generated within every moment, and how these two aspects mesh together. I’m also going to explore some of the real world shadows I’ve experienced, and how understanding this design helps in accepting those.

I look at it this way: The universal life force energy is the fuel for our body, and it flows through the energy centers of our body. Our body is the vehicle we have in this lifetime, and our inner being is the driver of the vehicle. The egoic conditioned human part of us is riding shotgun (in the front passenger seat for clarity) and is either co-creating with the inner being to drive us where we want to go, or jumps in with its conditioned input and takes us off-course, out of alignment. From that, the Sacral Generator is simply either connected to the inner being and all of the universal life force energy available to it, or it is not connected, living in the not-self, and becoming frustrated. Much like the analogy I’ve used before - the sun is just there, shining its rays of energy, and you either choose to stand in them and soak them in, or you don’t…

You’re driving in your car, heading home from an appointment at the doctor’s office. All the tasks and errands for the rest of the day are running through your mind. I got the appointment done. Check. Just need to feed and walk the dog, pay this bill, mail that letter, and prepare dinner. You arrive at your house, and as you’re pulling into your driveway, a sheer panic sets over you. I don’t remember the last few miles of driving home! Did I stop at red lights and stop signs? How the hell did I even get here?…

This blog turned out to be a deeply inspired poem that poured out of my soul. Enjoy.

Did I miss a stop
When arriving at this place?
Did I sign on the dotted line
Of a contract for a soul with the wrong face?

Born into a family of partying
Smoking, drinking, loud music galore
It was easy for me to sense the pain
In the windows to their souls and behind their heart’s door…

Music is sent from radio station transmitters, through the air in the form of radio waves, 24/7. Not a single one of our five basic human senses experience the presence of those waves to know the contents. However, a receiver accepts those waves and outputs the music through speakers, to which our hearing sense then experiences the music.

We live in a physical world where we have become accustomed to relying on these five basic senses to tell us what exists, and what is “real”. Music sent over radio waves is one example, of many, that shows that things exist beyond our five senses. You can’t “tell” in your daily life that the radio waves are there, with music as the payload, but they are. Even if you don’t “believe” they are there, they are. You could walk around with the hard belief that because you don’t see/hear/smell/taste/touch them, then they don’t exist...but they do…

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

This quote, often attributed to Nikola Tesla (I state it this way, because it is unverified, and supposedly said to Ralph Bergstresser in a private conversation in 1942), actually holds a lot of valid meaning…