“The Pathway of Initiative is one that I feel I’ve been on constantly. The challenge of this pathway is to bring forth your creativity in ways that only you can. I’ve gone through a lot of questioning whether I had any creativity, into rebelling against anyone else’s templates, and then quite simply finding ways to express my uniqueness (including starting this website to blog on). A stripping away of external societal motivations such as money, status, fame, and material gains, and really getting down to what is inside, PERIOD.

Richard speaks of a right formula for initiative being a blend of tenderness and passion. It is an evolutionary discovery of passion while having tenderness that I go through.

It’s also synchronistic for me that this path holds the name of the 51st gift, and that Siddhi of Awakening speaks of how we each have to find our own path to awakening, “striking out alone” as Richard comments, saying “everything about this pathway is about going at it alone in the beginning”. I have a Midheaven in Aries in 51.5. The Midheaven being about career, public life, highest aspirations; Aries in this spot embodying independence, trailblazing, being a leader, and following one’s own instincts. I go beyond even “career” in this idea…I’m not interested in bringing my uniqueness out and then “wrapping it in a different package for the same old market”. I’m interested in very simply being authentic me and letting that be the example I lead by…”

The Purpose sphere in the Activation Sequence - what deeply fulfills me. My Purpose sphere is the 11.5. Gene Key 11 goes from the Shadow of Obscurity, through the Gift of Idealism, to the Siddhi of Light. The 5th line in this sphere is about voice and frequency.

I certainly spent much of my life in obscurity. When I had already started off life by feeling like I was supposed to be somewhere else, it was a focus on all things outside of me. I think that’s natural as people come into this world, discovering all that this life is about…but all I had to go on INSIDE of me was a deep sense of being lost; so instead of paying attention to my internal feelings, I focused on trying to figure out what was going on externally. This was compounded by a volatile home environment in childhood, to where anticipation and anxiety and stress of what will go on around me became normal. It shouldn’t be this way, I thought. There were times I simply felt forgotten. When my parents would drop my brothers and I off at our grandma’s for the weekend, and it became almost every weekend, I caught on to what was their focus at the time. When I entered a 5k fun run around 6 years old with one of my brothers, and at the shot of the gun to start the race my brother took off leaving me in a sea of strangers, I began to cry and sat down by a tree.

This led to the creation of beliefs about myself, my value and existence, and ironically one of those was that I wasn’t creative. I’d see my mother, brothers, and friends paint and draw with a natural skill, and so I tried to as well - and it just didn’t go well. When I was young, if a blank canvas or white paper was put in front of me and I was prompted to paint or draw something, I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I wondered how it was possible that people did this…to create from seeming scratch, through their mind. Maybe I’m just not meant to be creative either. Every way that I WAS creative, I dismissed it from being creative, as if it wasn’t good enough to be creative. I did that…

My journey into energy work started with Reiki in 2018. I was taking concepts that I had read about over the years (albeit at more of a “piquing, but quiet, interest” back then, when there wasn’t really anyone around to talk to about it), such as chakras and channels, and beginning to open up further and dig into how that energy moves through the body; how it gets stuck in places, and what getting stuck in certain places may mean; how that blockage of energy corresponded with being out of alignment with one’s inner being.

With Reiki being “universal life force energy”, and how we often practice forms of connecting and grounding meditations - where you visualize pure energy coming from the cosmos/universe down through your crown chakra, continuing through all the chakras in your body, filling every cell, down through your feet and into the Earth, and then back up through to the Universe, thus an energetic line between the Universe and Earth through you that flows both ways - I was then fascinated when learning about my Human Design type of being a Pure Generator, how I am to have access to consistent Sacral life force energy that is generated within every moment, and how these two aspects mesh together. I’m also going to explore some of the real world shadows I’ve experienced, and how understanding this design helps in accepting those.

I look at it this way: The universal life force energy is the fuel for our body, and it flows through the energy centers of our body. Our body is the vehicle we have in this lifetime, and our inner being is the driver of the vehicle. The egoic conditioned human part of us is riding shotgun (in the front passenger seat for clarity) and is either co-creating with the inner being to drive us where we want to go, or jumps in with its conditioned input and takes us off-course, out of alignment. From that, the Sacral Generator is simply either connected to the inner being and all of the universal life force energy available to it, or it is not connected, living in the not-self, and becoming frustrated. Much like the analogy I’ve used before - the sun is just there, shining its rays of energy, and you either choose to stand in them and soak them in, or you don’t…

This is a split in your energy, where you’re not currently in alignment with your inner being - that is to say that the ALL of you is not currently heading in the same direction. There will be a negative emotion inside you physically as a result of this deviation from your inner being. The negative emotion is the indication that you are thinking or feeling about something differently than how your inner being sees it. The sense of being “lost”, or “unhappy”, or “off”, is the check engine light coming on, letting your physical body know that there is something to pay attention to here that is important to YOU…because you have not headed where your inner being went.

This may then sound like your inner being takes precedence in your life, and is “more important” than your physical brain/body, from the notion that if you’re not following your inner being, you feel negatively in some form. In a sense, this is true. Your inner being is the unfiltered, unobstructed, pure positive light essence of you; the pure extension of Source, or a higher power, or God, or however you choose to see it. It is that which guides you in this physical life through your lessons and to your desires, as you create. It is your up-to-date life GPS, always on, ready to give directions. Because your inner being transcends the subconscious and unconscious - aspects of your human brain that can contain programming or experiences that drive your behaviors and decisions in a direction away from where you and your inner being truly desire to go together - it would make sense to want to rely on the guidance that the inner being provides…

This blog turned out to be a deeply inspired poem that poured out of my soul. Enjoy.

Did I miss a stop
When arriving at this place?
Did I sign on the dotted line
Of a contract for a soul with the wrong face?

Born into a family of partying
Smoking, drinking, loud music galore
It was easy for me to sense the pain
In the windows to their souls and behind their heart’s door…

Music is sent from radio station transmitters, through the air in the form of radio waves, 24/7. Not a single one of our five basic human senses experience the presence of those waves to know the contents. However, a receiver accepts those waves and outputs the music through speakers, to which our hearing sense then experiences the music.

We live in a physical world where we have become accustomed to relying on these five basic senses to tell us what exists, and what is “real”. Music sent over radio waves is one example, of many, that shows that things exist beyond our five senses. You can’t “tell” in your daily life that the radio waves are there, with music as the payload, but they are. Even if you don’t “believe” they are there, they are. You could walk around with the hard belief that because you don’t see/hear/smell/taste/touch them, then they don’t exist...but they do…

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

This quote, often attributed to Nikola Tesla (I state it this way, because it is unverified, and supposedly said to Ralph Bergstresser in a private conversation in 1942), actually holds a lot of valid meaning…