A couple of those sentences really stick out for me:

1) We will not attain the perfection our mind is looking for.

It is quite the hit to the mind when it understands that the Core Wound flavor of Gene Key 18 is Judgment, and the Siddhi is Perfection itself, to have an upfront understanding that the Siddhi will not be obtained as the mind would see it.

2) The Gift frequency is where the Holy Grail lives.

The Gift of 18 is Integrity. There is such perfection in integrity, such purity. There is also a lot of integrity missing in society. We’ve gone away from the core of who we are in order to fulfill societal expectations, achieve status that society pedestalizes, and obtain material belongings for the sake of how we are perceived by others as a way to give us a sense of belonging and connection. There are a lot of people who have struggled with split energy, myself included, over living within this system because it is what IS, and staying in integrity to self when it pulls us away from what we know to be.

As mentioned above, the SQ opening triggers the vulnerability of the Vocation. For me, the SQ is 23, the Gift of Simplicity. I have felt this in my body…the release of complexity, the letting go of things that did not resonate, the return to simple focus of what makes me energized and excited and light up…coincides perfectly with being in integrity. Things feel complex when we have to “make them happen”, or “fight for things to work”. They feel complex, in part, when we are attempting to make other’s journeys fit ours in order to maintain connections or some of the benefits we receive from others. There is a fine line, yet such a difference, between forcing things to work to maintain our integrity, and focusing on our integrity and lettings things fall into alignment with it. I learned that I do not want anyone in my life that doesn’t want to be there, and vice versa. I do not want to get involved in engagements, commitments, or activities where my integrity is compromised. I’ve worked on honoring my “no” when that is the answer that comes from within. “No” has become my default, for anything that doesn’t feel like my soul jumped towards it. For me, starting from a baseline of minimalism and simplicity is helpful, so that listening to the intuition is not drowned out by all the information coming in when wide open…

“My Core sphere holds Gene Key 18.5. Gene Key 18 goes from the Shadow of Judgment, through the Gift of Integrity, to the Siddhi of Perfection. The 5th line in this sphere is “Guilt/Forgiveness”.

This key, in this sphere…whewwwww. The 18th key also governs the mental body (IQ sphere, in which mine is 64.2, so imagine how judgment also leads to confusion and plays into the whole mental trap). It is said that the 18th shadow has a built-in need to challenge authority, and that this process really begins when we enter that 3rd trimester of 14-21 years of age (IQ sphere). I certainly challenged authority of my parents, especially because they lived a way I did not ever want to…”

As we realize the gifts in the EQ sphere, we break open into the Pathway of Love:

This is a breaking open, because it’s a flooding of love that had been blocked for some time. Maybe not permanently, but certainly not to its fullest potential. It is said that this is the release of love from DNA.

If you look at the picture I have uploaded for the blog, it is the “Sword in the Stump”. In 2015, a now 150-year old white ash tree that was dying, was cut down to a stump in my local neighborhood. The following year, a local artist created a replica of Excalibur and installed it on the stump. This fixture had been around for 7 years, until just a couple days ago when the stump was entirely removed. There is symbolism in seeing that today and this blog, because it reminded me that only YOU can remove Excalibur from the dam of your Pathway of Love, and when you do…you become the royalty in the kingdom of your heart and soul; you claim it.

I also wanted to point out another correlation here, between the “dam” in the Pathway of Love and the cleansing of the pipes to allow the flow through the heart that Michael Singer speaks of in “Living Untethered”, with a visual here…

As a refresher, my Purpose sphere is the 11.5. Gene Key 11 goes from the Shadow of Obscurity, through the Gift of Idealism, to the Siddhi of Light. However, in this sequence, this sphere’s line 5 theme is “The Victim/The Leader”.

The Victim role plays very much into obscurity, as it is all about being wrapped up in the mind. I’ve been there many times in my life, stuck in my head, thinking things through logically - approaching brick walls in the logic and feeling dejected. This has been a process in relationships, and even potential relationships, in my life. I utilize what I would come to know as a power of this 11th key and see all the potentials for a relationship, and if none of them were satisfactory, I would not even entertain it at all. If there was a potential that interested me and I chose to open up to the relationship, and then it ended in a way other than the potential, I would get lost in the head questioning myself and my beliefs. I saw this potential! It’s there! How did this go wrong? I communicated the desire for this potential, and it was reciprocated then…I did everything I could to ensure that the potential was realized. What did I miss? Was I not good enough? I’m no one’s cup of tea. You name it, I thought it. I experienced the emotions of those thoughts. Yet, lost in the obscurity of those thoughts, the beliefs that came from them. Disconnected from my inner being. Disconnected from the light and the idealism within this gift.

The Leader in this line comes through first and foremost when leading the self through the misery of obscurity, back into alignment. The obscurity provides great lessons on importance, value, owning self, healthy boundaries and more. It’s through this dip that the Leader can take the ideal paths presented with the gift of the 11 and hold the hand of self and walk together out of shadow. In the face of what seems like insurmountable chasms, this Leader allows divinity to provide mystical bridges that dissolve the mental cage of limitations and show that not only are potentials possible, but that they can be realized through alignment…

The Evolution sphere - what I’m here to learn. My Evolution sphere is the 36.3. Gene Key 36 goes from the Shadow of Turbulence through the Gift of Humanity to the Siddhi of Compassion. The keynotes for Line 3 when it comes to the Evolution sphere are “Energy and Experience” - that it is about the experiences had, and not the destination - and to “break out of need for attention/approval by doing things without agenda.” In the first blog of the series, I mentioned that I was born into an emotionally turbulent environment, and full of conflict. Conflict and Turbulence being the Shadow frequencies of these two spheres for me, it has been easy to see how these themes have played their roles from the start, and the desire to climb out of them. As a young child in that environment, I went through the repressive nature of the 36 - Nervousness. Trying to resist the turbulence happening outside, in addition to trying to find peace at any cost. At that period of life and in those situations, getting peace was whatever pleased the parents enough to diffuse their volatility, or getting away. There was constant anticipation of what could happen next. Of course, the external turbulence and conflict back then was out of my control, and I didn’t know that there was nothing I could do to release and integrate these energies for others - that was their work - but I also didn’t have the presence of mind to allow myself to feel the turbulence and release it. I was scared too many times, and nothing was changing it for the better. It was an automatic anxiety, a tensing up, whenever alcohol or any other substance was in the picture. Protect myself. The work later on became being aware of the patterned bodily reactions showing up when the environment was no longer the same, but similar energy in others was present. Through progression and time, I have practiced becoming the observer of these nervous and anxious energies inside of me when they surface, or when I’m confronted with them from the external…and grasping that I am not those energies, I am experiencing them. From this stable, calm, peaceful place of observation, I am able to respond with clarity, while creating and upholding boundaries to not allow myself to accept responsibility for what comes from the external; this is being able to release the tension and respond from an internal authority rather than the anxious mind.

There has only been one thing more difficult in this life than relationships for me, and that has been being human. If you look at that in reverse, you can see a resistance in being human that can easily lead to a difficulty in relationships with humans. My childhood makes logical sense on why it has been a struggle to accept being human, but it goes deeper than that for me. I’ve really felt that way since birth. In Human Design, I bear by design the incarnation cross called the “Right Angle Cross of Eden 3”: one who is upset about being cast out of Eden and put into this world…and boy do I ever resonate with that. It also speaks that over time, I carry the energy to go out and explore the world, finding a slice of Eden here and sharing it with those around me. I feel it in my soul, that I am here to create Heaven on Earth in a way that I then share with others, and understand that it is going to be an evolution to do so. I do have moments, to this day, of questioning why I’m human, but they are becoming less and less, as I open up more. The Gift of Humanity in the 36th Gene Key is about going through great suffering, and in turn, understanding and accepting the suffering of being human and to hold space for others in doing so. The tandem work of the Gift in the 6th Key, Diplomacy, brings these two frequencies up simultaneously when letting go of victimhood and being able to communicate clearly with others…

My journey into energy work started with Reiki in 2018. I was taking concepts that I had read about over the years (albeit at more of a “piquing, but quiet, interest” back then, when there wasn’t really anyone around to talk to about it), such as chakras and channels, and beginning to open up further and dig into how that energy moves through the body; how it gets stuck in places, and what getting stuck in certain places may mean; how that blockage of energy corresponded with being out of alignment with one’s inner being.

With Reiki being “universal life force energy”, and how we often practice forms of connecting and grounding meditations - where you visualize pure energy coming from the cosmos/universe down through your crown chakra, continuing through all the chakras in your body, filling every cell, down through your feet and into the Earth, and then back up through to the Universe, thus an energetic line between the Universe and Earth through you that flows both ways - I was then fascinated when learning about my Human Design type of being a Pure Generator, how I am to have access to consistent Sacral life force energy that is generated within every moment, and how these two aspects mesh together. I’m also going to explore some of the real world shadows I’ve experienced, and how understanding this design helps in accepting those.

I look at it this way: The universal life force energy is the fuel for our body, and it flows through the energy centers of our body. Our body is the vehicle we have in this lifetime, and our inner being is the driver of the vehicle. The egoic conditioned human part of us is riding shotgun (in the front passenger seat for clarity) and is either co-creating with the inner being to drive us where we want to go, or jumps in with its conditioned input and takes us off-course, out of alignment. From that, the Sacral Generator is simply either connected to the inner being and all of the universal life force energy available to it, or it is not connected, living in the not-self, and becoming frustrated. Much like the analogy I’ve used before - the sun is just there, shining its rays of energy, and you either choose to stand in them and soak them in, or you don’t…

This is a split in your energy, where you’re not currently in alignment with your inner being - that is to say that the ALL of you is not currently heading in the same direction. There will be a negative emotion inside you physically as a result of this deviation from your inner being. The negative emotion is the indication that you are thinking or feeling about something differently than how your inner being sees it. The sense of being “lost”, or “unhappy”, or “off”, is the check engine light coming on, letting your physical body know that there is something to pay attention to here that is important to YOU…because you have not headed where your inner being went.

This may then sound like your inner being takes precedence in your life, and is “more important” than your physical brain/body, from the notion that if you’re not following your inner being, you feel negatively in some form. In a sense, this is true. Your inner being is the unfiltered, unobstructed, pure positive light essence of you; the pure extension of Source, or a higher power, or God, or however you choose to see it. It is that which guides you in this physical life through your lessons and to your desires, as you create. It is your up-to-date life GPS, always on, ready to give directions. Because your inner being transcends the subconscious and unconscious - aspects of your human brain that can contain programming or experiences that drive your behaviors and decisions in a direction away from where you and your inner being truly desire to go together - it would make sense to want to rely on the guidance that the inner being provides…