The Generator

My journey into energy work started with Reiki in 2018. I was taking concepts that I had read about over the years (albeit at more of a “piquing, but quiet, interest” back then, when there wasn’t really anyone around to talk to about it), such as chakras and channels, and beginning to open up further and dig into how that energy moves through the body; how it gets stuck in places, and what getting stuck in certain places may mean; how that blockage of energy corresponded with being out of alignment with one’s inner being.

With Reiki being “universal life force energy”, and how we often practice forms of connecting and grounding meditations - where you visualize pure energy coming from the cosmos/universe down through your crown chakra, continuing through all the chakras in your body, filling every cell, down through your feet and into the Earth, and then back up through to the Universe, thus an energetic line between the Universe and Earth through you that flows both ways - I was then fascinated when learning about my Human Design type of being a Pure Generator, how I am to have access to consistent Sacral life force energy that is generated within every moment, and how these two aspects mesh together. I’m also going to explore some of the real world shadows I’ve experienced, and how understanding this design helps in accepting those.

I look at it this way: The universal life force energy is the fuel for our body, and it flows through the energy centers of our body. Our body is the vehicle we have in this lifetime, and our inner being is the driver of the vehicle. The egoic conditioned human part of us is riding shotgun (in the front passenger seat for clarity) and is either co-creating with the inner being to drive us where we want to go, or jumps in with its conditioned input and takes us off-course, out of alignment. From that, the Sacral Generator is simply either connected to the inner being and all of the universal life force energy available to it, or it is not connected, living in the not-self, and becoming frustrated. Much like the analogy I’ve used before - the sun is just there, shining its rays of energy, and you either choose to stand in them and soak them in, or you don’t.

The Generator is one whose designed strategy is to respond to what life brings to it, not to initiate or force things. The “Not-self” theme for a Generator is “Frustration” - meaning when a Generator is not following the designed strategy, they will experience frustration, and this lets them know that they are out of sync. These two pieces of information are pretty clear to understand, but not as easy to apply. When you are born into an environment where the predominant theme in the energy is scarcity, survival, and conflict…there is no knowing of the “Self” theme of “Satisfaction”. As my focus in childhood with my family was on figuring out how to just get by - not only as a family, but as an individual person that didn’t know from day to day what the household climate was going to be like - it was hard to grasp the concepts of “having fun”, “thriving”, or “being satisfied". Sure, one could say that focusing on “doing better”, “breaking the mold”, and “changing the dynamic to have more love” were responding to what life was bringing - and that is true, but there was also so much conditioning to work through. There was a lot of trying to force things to be different, trying to make things happen because of that contrast experienced, and it only led to frustration.

“If you want to go skating this weekend, get a job.” Some experiences that would be fun and satisfying required money to do so, and my parents quite often had none to offer. Tough love, reality of the situation. To have a better life than what was being experienced, getting a job was required. I had a job as a paperboy at age 11, and I blew the money earned the first several months on things I wanted…candy, pop, video games, whatever it was, just because I felt a sense of freedom in choosing the things I wanted and being able to go out and get them (which I also did myself, riding my bike to the local Minimart). I did enjoy being a paperboy sometimes, and other times I hated it, but it gave me money I didn’t have, and the opportunity to obtain things I didn’t have, and I felt that was a key to change life at the time. Later on in life, it was different IT jobs in my career, to get different things while seemingly climbing the life ladder to better places - apartments, cars, a house, furnishings, and so on. The same application of having pieces of the jobs that I enjoyed and others not so much, but at least it provided me opportunities to live better than I did in childhood. Yet, the theme of frustration would creep its way in each time. I believe I was aware enough at an early age to know that money and material belongings were never going to give me satisfaction, but I still walked the walk, to have the experiences, and try for myself to see if I would feel differently.

I was going out and making things happen. The story the world tells you that is required to have the life you want. The problem with this is that so many times, it did not lead to satisfaction. I’m talking about deep, internal satisfaction. Not only was I initiating, but I was initiating from the perspective of conditioning. I knew money and material belongings were not going to bring me anything other than temporary spikes of joy before wearing off. I knew there was something deeper for me to explore. To look for resonance in my soul. Breaking the mold and changing my life to be “better” than childhood aesthetically, materially, financially - this was helpful to a degree. I did need to rise above the scarcity and survival mode, to be open enough to what my soul both had to offer to the world as well as wanted to bring in. Yet, going out and making things happen was not in alignment with my inner being, and it reflected in my Generator design. Breaking the mold and healing ancestral trauma was a much deeper, energetic task in my journey.

I also spent a lot of time giving ALL of myself away, also from a place of conditioning. Giving is very easy for me. Energy, love, affection, acts of service, time, attention, ears for listening, shoulders for crying. Many of these aspects were lacking being sent my way in childhood, so I understood how important it was to be there for others - it sure didn’t feel good when I was at times neglected, or wasn’t given love, or was left feeling unwanted or not good enough, and I didn’t want anyone else to feel that way. I gave ALL of myself away in romantic relationships - if I decided a person was one I wanted to commit to, I went all chips in. I made sure I was there for friends. I began to question why frustration would creep in to these areas as well, and a common denominator was the lack of reciprocation of the same depth. I wanted to receive just as much as I gave. I never felt that I lost identity of who I am in these situations, but what I felt even before knowing Human Design was that I was not responding to what aligned for me, but rather attempting to make things the way I wanted them to be when they weren’t. This, of course, did not work. When things or people came into my life, I gave it a shot even when it wasn’t a HELL YES, simply because it showed up. There’s nothing wrong with that, as it is experiencing life…but, I learned over time that this ALSO isn’t living by my design, it doesn’t resonate in my soul. On an energetic level, I also saw that when I gave ALL of me away, I literally felt the disconnection from my inner being - like choosing to step out of the sun’s rays and over to where someone or something else was, that wasn’t for me.

I began taking inventory of what I wanted on a soul level far before Human Design came into the picture. I let go of people, places, and things that didn’t resonate with me, and I saw the improvement in how I felt about life then. Yet, HD gave a more in-depth framework of how it could work for me. I further began to explore only saying yes to new things when it truly felt like my soul was lit up when it came into my life. I further exercise saying NO to things I didn’t want, without accepting responsibility for the other person’s emotions about my response. I write these blogs when I’m lit up with an energy that wants to express in this way. When signs or synchronicities pop up in my life and pertain to others, I share it with them rather than keeping it to myself. Making decisions with the gut feeling, the intuition, the Sacral…rather than using logic or the brain.

I’m also still working through conditioning. I accept that I am where I am. When we drop the mirage of what society pretends that life should be like and how it should be lived, there is a literal weight lifted off our shoulders. We can just be who we are, accept the things meant for us, and live to authentic satisfaction through allowing the Universe to BRING us that which we desire. All we need to do is be who we are. As a Generator, the universal life force energy is already inside of us. Let go of the rest.