Inside Job
This blog turned out to be a deeply inspired poem that poured out of my soul. Enjoy.
Did I miss a stop
When arriving at this place?
Did I sign on the dotted line
Of a contract for a soul with the wrong face?
Born into a family of partying
Smoking, drinking, loud music galore
It was easy for me to sense the pain
In the windows to their souls and behind their heart’s door.
This isn’t me, I don’t agree
I just am not the same;
I will not live my life this way
Inserting coins into this game.
Break the mold, the buck stops here
I felt from an early age
What caused so much pain, to keep their book
Stuck perpetually on the same page?
I came to find, with little surprise
This pain is not unique;
It’s up levels of the tree, and all over the world
Relief is what they seek.
If I’m not the same as my family
And this is what they do
Then as the world turns to the same mechanisms
I’m striving to begin anew.
It’s not the pain that’s different
Because that pain is real
It’s in the fact I notice that
I don’t numb what I feel
As I age, I experience
My own kind of unique pain
Being outside the majority leads
To walking a solitary lane
So I try their ways, to understand
Just what it is to be
“Numbing the pain, uniting in woes,
At least it’s not just me”
What I find is what’s been reflected
For much of the time to date
There isn’t an authentic bond
When you’re in the lack of love state
Once again, I tell myself
This cannot be the way
The loving source inside me
Has some words to say
Pain is contrast in this life
It gives you some insight
On where to grow, from where you know
But by bringing it into the light
Avoiding, masking, numbing
Bottling up inside
Eventually snowballs into
An avalanche that you can’t hide
It will make its way outward
Exposing to them all
Everything you’ve felt inside
But wouldn’t answer the call
Little did you know that
On the other end of the phone
Your inner being is waiting
Just to hear your authentic tone
It wants you to know that
It has been there all along
You’re never alone, you’re loved and all
It appreciates your song
The pain from lone wolf walking
On a road separate from the rest
Rooted back to isolating
From the me inside my chest
Distance from my inner being
that I perceive as “from the whole”
Is standing outside the sun’s rays
Feeling cold in my soul
All I had to do was
Step right back into the rays
The light is warm, it fills me up
Returning me to my ways
I fully comprehend desire
For connection with another soul
It is an innate need for us
But not from an empty bowl
Bowl you say? Yes I do
A bowl full of love is a thing
Much like a cup, you must fill up
From there your love is seen
But not only seen, it is felt
By anyone around
Infecting all with soulful music
That doesn’t have a sound
Yet it hits the notes you needed to hear
It moves you the right way
You once again feel the light my friend
The night turns into day
I saw that my own pain
Kidnapped me from the mirror
It held me for a ransom
But the intention became clearer
It called out to me in desperation
“If I have to, I will rob!”
It was then I knew the reunion
with joyous love would be an inside job
We hold parts of ourselves away from our core
The result is the disconnected feeling
It isn’t meant to be a bad thing
Yet it keeps us reeling
Until we finally understand
We came from pure positive light
But how would we know any different
If we didn’t experience the night?
It is meant to help us grow
To bring us to new vibrations
To raise consciousness of humanity
Regardless of our differing nations
It isn’t just my pain I feel
It comes from virtually everywhere
I’m able to adapt, transmute
And not explode into the air
I’ve learned to see that this difference in me
Is just one in many of mine
I won’t numb the pain, I’ll feel it all the way
For its a gift given to me from the divine
Another in my being is to break cycles
Within my ancestral line
For in this lifetime, healing and family is paramount
No longer these cycles go down the vine
My path is still less traveled
Yet I appreciate it infinitely more
We all are walking individually
Yet collectively to our core
We are the ones responsible
For our human side
Reactions and behaviors
Could span far and wide
Take the time of discomfort
Explore it very well
Allow yourself authentically
To feel through all the hell
Find out what is being presented
From your inner being to you
As opportunity for a chance
To integrate the new
The broadened aspects you will obtain
Brings higher levels in view
Then you can see, feel and be
What your inner being always knew
This also allows you to hold the space
When others aren’t in their glory
Let them take care of their inside jobs
And finish writing their story
Leave it to the frequency
Your soul is vibrating on
To show you who you resonate with
And wish well to those who are gone
Don’t wait for the world
To change itself, to make your life “right”
Inside yourself is the key to your wealth
No matter the perceived plight
You have the choice to feel the joy
Beyond a shadow of a doubt
Be the change you want to see in the world
It is a job, from the inside out