January of 2024 had (seemingly) 70 something days in it before it finally moved on. February is only half way over, but it feels like it may outlast January’s reign.

February 1st marked the day my son Jasper experienced an avulsion fracture of his right patella, found through X-ray that day, and that alone began a journey. Only two days later, on February 3rd, I was notified that a cat I affectionately helped raise many years ago, maybe I dare even say “co-parented”, had to be put down. In the midst of my son’s happenings, I had tabled processing this loss.

Lots of proceedings for Jasper’s injury ensued. Many calls, several doctor visits, a second opinion, coordinations and some scheduling later, Jasper had surgery on his right knee on Thursday the 15th. I literally became exhausted during that journey though, in the path to surgery, exploring avenues. After the initial X-Ray, there was an MRI done, to which surgery was the recommendation. In an effort to get a second opinion to validate that surgery was needed, there were several dead-ends encountered, and obstacles such as not being able to get in for a visit for weeks.

The final leg of that journey was an experience of resolve and even divine will, however. An avenue explored on Tuesday the 13th, led to an in-person visit on Wednesday the 14th that confirmed surgery was needed, and the second opinion doctor and facility felt right, so it was decided to pursue surgery there, to which they had an opening the very next day of Thursday the 15th.

I come back to a time of rest from that process, and aloneness to contemplate this and the dear cat, to write this blog. The cat’s name was Jorie. I am one who gives nicknames a lot, and the first nickname she had was JoJo. That evolved when I told my dad back then about our cat JoJo, to which he smirked and said “Mojo JoJo!” - a reference to a supervillain character in the cartoon (and archenemy to the) Powerpuff Girls. Mojo JoJo stuck for me at that point, and I would toggle between the three. She had other nicknames given to her, such as Boo and Nan. I had to inquire with Jen on how long it had been - Jorie had lived 20 years, which is a decent life for a cat. Jorie had only been in my immediate life for a small amount of the beginning of those years, but I loved her much the same as every other pet I ever had, and treated her as if she were my own. I’ve owned a lot of cats in my life, and yet I’m allergic to them (see, love hurts). It was just about 9 months ago that Jen told me she was worried about Jorie, that she was acting weird, and I sent Reiki to her. Jorie was the last cat I had, and thus the most recent one I held a bond with that left a personal mark in my heart and soul. She will be missed, and in her honor, I’m placing her picture as the image for this blog. I can only imagine the depth of the loss for Jen, who had her for the duration of Jorie’s life.

I went to the Dream Arc earlier tonight and looked up Cat. Of course, it’s associated with Gene Key 40, and the Gift of Resolve. “Unlock Your Design” labels 40 with the Archetype of “The Father”, and I immediately saw the correlation to my son and Jorie in this…

“My Core sphere holds Gene Key 18.5. Gene Key 18 goes from the Shadow of Judgment, through the Gift of Integrity, to the Siddhi of Perfection. The 5th line in this sphere is “Guilt/Forgiveness”.

This key, in this sphere…whewwwww. The 18th key also governs the mental body (IQ sphere, in which mine is 64.2, so imagine how judgment also leads to confusion and plays into the whole mental trap). It is said that the 18th shadow has a built-in need to challenge authority, and that this process really begins when we enter that 3rd trimester of 14-21 years of age (IQ sphere). I certainly challenged authority of my parents, especially because they lived a way I did not ever want to…”

The Radiance sphere - what keeps me healthy. My Radiance sphere is the 12.5. Gene Key 12 goes from the Shadow of Vanity, through the Gift of Discrimination, to the Siddhi of Purity. The 5th line theme is Impact, and the 5th line is also about voice and frequency. I go back many years ago in contemplation for this key.

In childhood, the struggle of feeling so different from the environment I grew up in was real. I didn’t have a concept of WHY I felt so different, it was just THERE. My parents used substances to cope with problems, and so did everyone else around them from what I could tell. There was the masking of “having a good time” applied to a lot of the get togethers and places we went, but it was easy or sense all the discord and pain in those around. I didn’t understand how it equated to “having a good time”…it felt inauthentic. Yet, it was everywhere, and when the vast majority of people around you are saying or doing something and you’re not, you tend to question yourself on whether you’re the one who has a problem. One may think, “come on, in childhood, you’d have been too young to partake in substances like that to even know what the experience was like for the adults”…and to that I would say, “not so.” I was introduced to alcohol at a very young age, had my first sips of beer when I was two (yes, I remember), tried some of my dad’s Bacardi and Coke when I told him I could handle it as a 3-4 year old, later into adolescence would have wine coolers on New Year’s Eves, and on and on through the early years. I smoked my first cigarette when I was six. Smoking didn’t stick, and alcohol was given a much longer period of chance in my life, but just wasn’t for me either. I tried some of these things, and I tried first in order to live in the world of those around me…

The Evolution sphere - what I’m here to learn. My Evolution sphere is the 36.3. Gene Key 36 goes from the Shadow of Turbulence through the Gift of Humanity to the Siddhi of Compassion. The keynotes for Line 3 when it comes to the Evolution sphere are “Energy and Experience” - that it is about the experiences had, and not the destination - and to “break out of need for attention/approval by doing things without agenda.” In the first blog of the series, I mentioned that I was born into an emotionally turbulent environment, and full of conflict. Conflict and Turbulence being the Shadow frequencies of these two spheres for me, it has been easy to see how these themes have played their roles from the start, and the desire to climb out of them. As a young child in that environment, I went through the repressive nature of the 36 - Nervousness. Trying to resist the turbulence happening outside, in addition to trying to find peace at any cost. At that period of life and in those situations, getting peace was whatever pleased the parents enough to diffuse their volatility, or getting away. There was constant anticipation of what could happen next. Of course, the external turbulence and conflict back then was out of my control, and I didn’t know that there was nothing I could do to release and integrate these energies for others - that was their work - but I also didn’t have the presence of mind to allow myself to feel the turbulence and release it. I was scared too many times, and nothing was changing it for the better. It was an automatic anxiety, a tensing up, whenever alcohol or any other substance was in the picture. Protect myself. The work later on became being aware of the patterned bodily reactions showing up when the environment was no longer the same, but similar energy in others was present. Through progression and time, I have practiced becoming the observer of these nervous and anxious energies inside of me when they surface, or when I’m confronted with them from the external…and grasping that I am not those energies, I am experiencing them. From this stable, calm, peaceful place of observation, I am able to respond with clarity, while creating and upholding boundaries to not allow myself to accept responsibility for what comes from the external; this is being able to release the tension and respond from an internal authority rather than the anxious mind.

There has only been one thing more difficult in this life than relationships for me, and that has been being human. If you look at that in reverse, you can see a resistance in being human that can easily lead to a difficulty in relationships with humans. My childhood makes logical sense on why it has been a struggle to accept being human, but it goes deeper than that for me. I’ve really felt that way since birth. In Human Design, I bear by design the incarnation cross called the “Right Angle Cross of Eden 3”: one who is upset about being cast out of Eden and put into this world…and boy do I ever resonate with that. It also speaks that over time, I carry the energy to go out and explore the world, finding a slice of Eden here and sharing it with those around me. I feel it in my soul, that I am here to create Heaven on Earth in a way that I then share with others, and understand that it is going to be an evolution to do so. I do have moments, to this day, of questioning why I’m human, but they are becoming less and less, as I open up more. The Gift of Humanity in the 36th Gene Key is about going through great suffering, and in turn, understanding and accepting the suffering of being human and to hold space for others in doing so. The tandem work of the Gift in the 6th Key, Diplomacy, brings these two frequencies up simultaneously when letting go of victimhood and being able to communicate clearly with others…

My journey into energy work started with Reiki in 2018. I was taking concepts that I had read about over the years (albeit at more of a “piquing, but quiet, interest” back then, when there wasn’t really anyone around to talk to about it), such as chakras and channels, and beginning to open up further and dig into how that energy moves through the body; how it gets stuck in places, and what getting stuck in certain places may mean; how that blockage of energy corresponded with being out of alignment with one’s inner being.

With Reiki being “universal life force energy”, and how we often practice forms of connecting and grounding meditations - where you visualize pure energy coming from the cosmos/universe down through your crown chakra, continuing through all the chakras in your body, filling every cell, down through your feet and into the Earth, and then back up through to the Universe, thus an energetic line between the Universe and Earth through you that flows both ways - I was then fascinated when learning about my Human Design type of being a Pure Generator, how I am to have access to consistent Sacral life force energy that is generated within every moment, and how these two aspects mesh together. I’m also going to explore some of the real world shadows I’ve experienced, and how understanding this design helps in accepting those.

I look at it this way: The universal life force energy is the fuel for our body, and it flows through the energy centers of our body. Our body is the vehicle we have in this lifetime, and our inner being is the driver of the vehicle. The egoic conditioned human part of us is riding shotgun (in the front passenger seat for clarity) and is either co-creating with the inner being to drive us where we want to go, or jumps in with its conditioned input and takes us off-course, out of alignment. From that, the Sacral Generator is simply either connected to the inner being and all of the universal life force energy available to it, or it is not connected, living in the not-self, and becoming frustrated. Much like the analogy I’ve used before - the sun is just there, shining its rays of energy, and you either choose to stand in them and soak them in, or you don’t…

Over the weekend, I was reading posts on a Gene Keys and Human Design group, and came across a specific post that initiated the same flow energy that brings these blogs together. I responded to the post, and in turn it was suggested that I take those words and give them a post of their own on the group. I did so, and it resonated with many people. I wanted to share those words here, and then connect them to aspects of Human Design called “Strategy” and “Authority” and weave how they relate to the shift that has happened to me in recent years organically…