Cold Shower
Today, I was getting into the shower, and turned on the Bluetooth speaker to continue a Michael Singer podcast that I was listening to on “Your Highest Intention: Self-Realization”. I stepped in front of the water when it was cold, turned the handle warmer, and jumped back a little (I am NOT a cold shower person) just as Michael spoke the words:
“Your intention was to not experience it, wasn’t it? Please listen to me, do you know that feels like? ‘I don’t want to experience it, ewww…ok? It’s disturbing, I don’t like it,’ and so therefore because you don’t want to experience it, you used your act of will to push it away. When you pushed it away, where do you think it went? If you push that stuff down there, it doesn’t dissipate! It doesn’t go away…”
This moment hit a little different. I feel all the feels all the time, but I caught myself in a moment of not wanting to feel. I’ve been in this situation many times before, with showers and baths and pools and lakes and oceans, touching the water - backing away - repeat until it just felt better and then immersed myself. This time, I took it as an opportunity to crank it back to a colder level, step into it, and actually allow all the jitters and sensations to flow through me as I observed them. To really feel them without taking my mind to another place while the body worked out its kinks. Letting the body process the shock to the system, staying present in each way, and accepting it without pushing it down or running from the coldness.
I know that if I repeated the same process I’ve always done, I’d just be keeping those feelings from being felt. Today, and with a nudge from Michael, I decided to shift that. I’m sure it is not a one-and-done process, and I’m sure my body will still go back to its routine protection measure the next time I attempt such a shock, but I know it will be a different experience each time going forward, and trust will be gained between my body and my being as I allow more feeling to be processed in those real-time moments.
If you’re looking for a safe way to allow yourself to feel things in the body that you may be pushing down, might I suggest to start with a cold shower. You know you will be ok, it is just you and you, and you can take baby steps. You might be surprised to see the trust you build within by working with yourself in this way, and how it will parlay into other areas of life.