As we realize the gifts in the EQ sphere, we break open into the Pathway of Love:

This is a breaking open, because it’s a flooding of love that had been blocked for some time. Maybe not permanently, but certainly not to its fullest potential. It is said that this is the release of love from DNA.

If you look at the picture I have uploaded for the blog, it is the “Sword in the Stump”. In 2015, a now 150-year old white ash tree that was dying, was cut down to a stump in my local neighborhood. The following year, a local artist created a replica of Excalibur and installed it on the stump. This fixture had been around for 7 years, until just a couple days ago when the stump was entirely removed. There is symbolism in seeing that today and this blog, because it reminded me that only YOU can remove Excalibur from the dam of your Pathway of Love, and when you do…you become the royalty in the kingdom of your heart and soul; you claim it.

I also wanted to point out another correlation here, between the “dam” in the Pathway of Love and the cleansing of the pipes to allow the flow through the heart that Michael Singer speaks of in “Living Untethered”, with a visual here:

In this image above, Michael speaks about the flow of energy in chakras of our body being like T-pipe fittings, and in particular, referring to the heart chakra. If the energy flowing up from the bottom runs into a blockage immediately, nothing can get through. If there is an opening in the bottom but a blockage in the upper pathway, the energy will flow out horizontally and connect with whatever stimulated the opening experience. We call that expression “human love” and show it to others we connect with, but there is a higher expression. He says if there are no blockages, the energy flows all the way through the pipe, we experience a much deeper connection through the higher chakras. The blockages come from the samskaras, from the things that people say or do that we don’t like and then close our hearts off.

The SQ sphere is about the ages of birth to 7, and the physical development during that time. It is said that “the Shadow of this Gene Key is an unconscious pattern that undermines your self-esteem.” It is also said that the SQ is the “love point”, and “Your SQ governs your mythology – the unconscious contours of the longing of your soul to return home.”

My SQ sphere holds Gene Key 23.4. Gene Key 23 goes from the Shadow of Complexity, through the Gift of Simplicity, to the Siddhi of Quintessence. The 4th line in this sphere is “Belonging (kinship and community)”.

I chose this life, and my parents, and the environment that I would be birthed in. I understand that. I feel I chose a life that would bring a great amount of contrast, and thus, a great amount of expansion. Therefore, it is no surprise that I kicked off birth in Complexity.

As told to me by my mother many, many years later, the day she brought me home from the hospital, my father had another woman in the residence coming out of my parent’s bedroom. This event alone caused a lot of pain and tension in the environment (and would for many years), but I also wondered in hindsight what I was absorbing from this situation while in the womb. I did not have an ideal homecoming, nor an ideal childhood growing up. My parents partied a lot, fought a lot, passed us three kids off to grandma virtually every weekend, and were sucked up into their own dilemmas in much of my first seven years here.

At grandma’s house, she really treated us with love and presence…but she and grandpa couldn’t stand being near each other. Grandpa would literally leave the house in the morning, be gone all day (whether it was out in the shed in the back yard working on something or watching TV, or out with friends), and then come back at night and go play solitaire in a separate bedroom that he slept in, away from grandma. When they WERE in the house together, it was constant yelling at each other. I could not understand why they were married and acting this way, and I couldn’t understand why my parents were the same in a lot of ways. The examples of marriage and relationships that I was born into observing were ones of great complexity, great pain and emotions, and very little showing of love.

I knew of love that my grandma displayed towards us grandkids, and thank God for that in those early baby and toddler years, or I don’t know what I would have turned out to be. However, that experience of love from her made me appreciate the moments that I DID get love from my parents, as I feel I previously did not trust the love they gave when it was intertwined with drama, neglect, and abuse. I knew back then that I craved simplicity in love, without ever knowing the terminology then. Why can’t we all just love each other? Why can’t we be happy?

I can also say that from day one of birth, I did not feel like I belonged here (the 4th line). Surely the environment and circumstances contributed to it, but it felt deeper to me. On a soul level, I just felt like an outsider that got off at the wrong stop. It was so difficult for me to feel belonging in that environment, but I was also feeling that way with other kids and going into kindergarten at a school I had never been to before. It was like attempting to get comfortable in places and with people to then have to be shuffled to a new place and experiences over and over. Sounds normal for a baby/toddler, but it was my perspective. I was such an odd kid. Very bright, I was reading words in book at the age of 2 and surprised my parents when my dad handed me a postcard and told me I was going to the place on the postcard for my 3rd birthday, and I looked at the postcard and read it and said “Bear Creek!” and he was shocked. My mom was as well. I was also very awkward. Any time I needed to go to the bathroom, I would strip completely naked…no matter what business I was doing in the bathroom. This wasn’t so much of a problem at home, but it became a problem when doing it in school…I was seen as weird for that. I knew no different. No matter where I was, whatever I was doing or how I was being was looked at as “odd”, and I could feel it. I was unique. I’ve never really felt “human”, something I’ve been progressing with as my Evolution (Gene Key 36, gift of Humanity)…I’ve always felt alien. As you may gather, this Complexity of just being certainly undermined my self-esteem in ways, for a long time.

I’ve been driven throughout because of these experiences, driven to find ways to make myself understandable and communicate in ways that I am received. Over time, I came to see this as aligning with authentic self, because from that vantage point, there is nothing BUT simplicity. What is delivered and expressed is unique but clear, it goes beyond words, into the exchange of energy to where understanding has the ability to be innate. In the Gene Keys book, Richard says “the 23rd gift…it simply knows things spontaneously, without knowing where the knowing came from. It is the essence of genius.” I’ve said in my life to others regarding the relationships that I entered, that I just KNEW they were for me, and even those I entered the relationships with themselves questioned how I knew (granted I also had to learn that this “knowing” didn’t translate to twin flame, soulmate, love for the rest of my life as I wanted…I had to learn to separate “what I want” from “what is”, and appreciate what the “knowing” was bringing into my life for however long it was going to last).

Because of all of the complexity in childhood, when I experienced moments of love, of friendship, of romantic connection, I would cling very tightly to it. It was a very textbook form of Anxious Attachment. These things were like lightning in a bottle to me…they didn’t happen often. I turned away going to a gifted school program in the 5th grade because I didn’t want to leave my best friend and other friends in the school I was used to. I stuck in other friendships and chased after relationships that dangled carrots because there were carrots given. I did not like losing these connections, and loss was common in my life then too - I lost two of my three living grandparents when I was 5 and then 6, as well as neighbors. We were evicted from apartments when I was 6, because other kids broke glass on windows and the management blamed us. I wanted that line 4 belonging, that kinship and community. It has taken me a long time to see that pattern in life, and only up until before my divorce did I see how tightly I would cling to such things. The letting go in that process alone was cathartic. I even notice it on a smaller scale…how tightly I would cling to the steering wheel while driving in adverse weather, and the anxiety and nervousness and tension I would be containing and not feeling through. It is those experiences of clinging to external things that showed me where I was neglecting self, and within. The disconnection and associated lack of belonging feeling also happened when all focus went to external people and things, and I needed to return inside and operate from that place.

I very much crave simplicity in this life. The seeking of Peace (my Life’s Work), of authentic love in family, friends, and romantic relationships. I feel when I bring my authentic self to the table, what shows up is what is worth considering for belonging…and when I’m in states of not belonging, I’m bringing in energies of complexity.

Richard says about the SQ: “When your awareness reaches deep down into your Love Point, you are on the cusp of the permanent reopening of your heart for the first time since early childhood...Working through this Shadow and opening up the Gift and Siddhi of this Gene Key ensures that all your relationships can finally become deeply fulfilling and transparent."“

The Siddhi of Quintessence here…it is spoken of as The Midas Touch, the pure alchemy of turning metal to gold. To stay with the simple, to choose the Middle Way. This is reminiscent of the Tao…to follow the Way, and accept where that takes me. This is why I believe in the notion of trusting my inner path, the authentic self, and being open to confluence with others when doing so. Opening this Love Point, and being able to touch the core of each person along the way. That’s the return to innocence. Maybe that will be the return HOME.