As we exit the SQ, we cross the Pathway of Realization:

This pathway is the return to the seat of consciousness at the Core. The realization of self at the pure level. The Venus sequence speaks of this pathway through utilizing “The One Point” inside us, the Ring of Trials, and the “Sealing of the Five Senses”. This is nearly identical to the descriptions and quite similar to the processes Michael Singer talked about in the Falling from and Returning to the Garden of Eden (for a refresher on that, read my blog at https://www.theindigoeye.com/blog/2022/8/2/fall-from-Eden). It is essentially to stop allowing information coming in through the five senses to distract us, and return focus to consciousness itself.

For this sphere: “The Sphere of your Core relates to the 9-month gestation period, when all your life’s patterns – physical, emotional and mental were imprinted inside your mother’s womb. Your Core reveals the final layer of your deepest potential. Woven into your DNA is an ancient wound that you share with all humanity. As your awareness penetrates this place inside yourself, so you will paradoxically experience your unity with all beings.”

My Core sphere holds Gene Key 18.5. Gene Key 18 goes from the Shadow of Judgment, through the Gift of Integrity, to the Siddhi of Perfection. The 5th line in this sphere is “Guilt/Forgiveness”.

This key, in this sphere…whewwwww. The 18th key also governs the mental body (IQ sphere, in which mine is 64.2, so imagine how judgment also leads to confusion and plays into the whole mental trap). It is said that the 18th shadow has a built-in need to challenge authority, and that this process really begins when we enter that 3rd trimester of 14-21 years of age (IQ sphere). I certainly challenged authority of my parents, especially because they lived a way I did not ever want to. There was desperation, coping with substances, survival mode living, neglect and abuse, and it was very easy to judge them for these things. I knew what it was like back then to have a victim mind, too. Feeling like I was a victim of the environment and circumstances, and couldn’t get ahead. Why do they spend so much money on alcohol and cigarettes, when we need food and have bills? Why can’t we go places for fun? Being stuck in the mental shadow also had me attempting to use the mind to get out of it, and I would often find myself going in circles in thought. I’m going to get a good paying job when I’m old enough and never live like this again. I’m going to be smart with my priorities, money, and life. All the while, the environment stayed the same, and the focus was on survival. Why should I listen to parents who can’t even handle their own lives?, I thought at times.

To add to that, 18.2 is also my conscious Moon, where the role of my mother and nurturing comes into the picture. Why doesn’t Mom stand up for us and protect us when Dad’s drunk and gets violent? Why does Mom also get drunk and take things out on us? Why does Mom show love one moment and what feels like disdain the next? Why is Mom so angry all the time? She asked us to wake her up for work, and then yells at us when we do.

There was certainly many times of experiencing the repressive nature of this key, inferiority. Feeling inferior to raging parents during drunken episodes, feeling inferior to other families with more money and more adventures and more “love” in their homes. Experiencing feeling inferior to other boys as girls would constantly reject me, when I was only being myself…and then trying to do anything to impress and connect afterwards, which in hindsight was a self-judgment as well.

The Gene Keys book at the very beginning of the Gift of Integrity section talks about how it is the basis of psychology because it holds the keys to human conditioning. It also mentions that the 18th Gene Key determines whether a child enters adulthood as an integrated adult or as a wounded child posing as an adult. There is no doubt that I entered adulthood as a wounded child posing as an adult. My parents were traversing adulthood as wounded children, and they had no room, space or frame of mind to provide integrity in their support for their children to reach integrity into adulthood.

From the book: “If the 18th Gene Key is prominent in your Hologenetic Profile, your life will continually bring you back to these recurring issues rooted in your childhood. You will have to understand what made you the way you are in order to release the aspects of your conditioning that do not belong to you. In time, this will make you a master of understanding the ways conditioning works and you can help others break free just as you have. When you are free from the trap of the victim mind, your judgment becomes Integrity - the archenemy of the victim mind. It is the same energy, the same archetype, but experienced from a higher level of consciousness. Judgment, criticism, and correction are magnificent qualities when used in the right way. The Gift of Integrity is about demanding and maintaining a high standard in everything you do. As a fully healed adult, your purpose is to help others complete their childhoods so that they can finally enjoy their lives and pass on their integrity to their children.

To uphold Integrity, you have to be courageous - you have to challenge anything and anyone who does not meet your high standards. To live with Integrity is to take on the whole world - to challenge it to meet the high standards you are setting. Wherever you see someone living with Integrity, you are seeing someone using the power of judgment in an objective and impersonal way. This is the great Gift of the 18th Gene Key - not to use or take judgment personally, but to learn to judge from your heart. Judging from the heart can never be cruel because true Integrity has only one purpose - to serve the whole in the spirit of truth and compassion.”

It is in the nature of Integrity that I hold myself to high standards. I know the bulk of my life has been about seeing the flaws in my childhood and correcting them. The 18th Gene Key has the gift of seeing flaws. I knew from a young age that I was a mold breaker and an ancestral lineage healer. It was a mission of mine to eliminate the passing down of these familial traumas to my children, thus keeping integrity and wholeness so that they and THEIR children would benefit from these shifts. I know that I had to experience some of these traumas only when I was a parent myself, so there were realtime breakthroughs that had to happened while they were living and not all before they were born, and will be more to come. I needed to release the 5th line guilt around the areas that I could not or didn’t have conscious access to and shift before they were born, as that wore on me. It is difficult being human, and even as a very patient person, patience in walking through experiences around healing wounds as they organically arise has been frustrating. I’ve had to face guilt of judging my parents for their issues in their marriage and how I was not going to live that way or have a relationship like that, only to have some similar relational issues as there was no healthy example for me to learn from above me. I’ve had to face the guilt of, in the end consciously choosing a divorce as it was right for me, yet knowing that the idea of it was the exact opposite of what I wanted my whole life when it came to building a family based on love and connection and unity.

It is also, however, through these experiences of learning what integrity meant to me, that I’ve been able to gain the courage to stay true to myself. To give myself the space to feel what I feel, without abandonment - holding my inner child’s hand as I walk through the fire. It’s through those experiences that I’ve been able to hold space for OTHER people on their journeys, space where they have had emotional ups and downs and released things that have been locked inside for quite some time, without judgment from me. There is a deep sense of understanding of those pains, and I know what it feels like to move past many of them and have a sense of fulfillment from that.

The Siddhi of Perfection has notes of how the more one is of serving in the world, the more one is dissatisfied with how much more there is to heal and improve in the world. I know this all too well. I tend to retreat to self, in solitude, when I feel like I’m “all serviced-out”. I’ve questioned how much my drop of water in the ocean really mattered. Yet I’m also fascinated at how the description of this Siddhi speaks to some things I have been feeling and researching outside of Gene Keys over time. The notion in the book is that unlocking the Siddhi would bring forth the ability to use the mind to heal mental, emotional and physical problems instantaneously. I was pulled to look into brainwave states and tracking them with a Muse headband through meditation in the last 2-3 years, with a focus on getting into zones of certain states to see what the effect would be on my life and its quality. Through practicing detachment and allowing myself to flow, I’ve gone in different rabbit hole directions and haven’t been consistent or recent with these studies.

The book mentions: “The Codon Ring of Matter ensures that the whole of humanity must one day reach a state of perfection where evolution ends and we as a species finally enter the dimension of eternity. Each of the Gene Keys within this Ring is responsible for an aspect of this spiritualization of the material plane. The 18th Siddhi contains the knowledge of how to bring perfection to Earth through the mental plane. To the one who lives within this Siddhi, perfection is already here as an imprint underlying all creation. These people live in the Eden that we all long for, but paradoxically they must help move that state from the inner reality to the outer.” Pairing this with the tradition of the bodhisattva vow that is said to originate from the 18th Siddhi - a bodhisattva being one who forgoes his or her highest state of consciousness in order to stay in the world and help others attain that state - I feel a great resonance in my search for Eden and wanting to then share it with others.

It is the mold breaking and ancestral healing that has been some of the main keynotes of all that went into the imprinting in my mother’s womb during the gestation of me. It is the exact alchemic conconction of circumstances and environment that I chose to be born into, that was mixed, shaken, and poured into that cauldron of life. I’ve learned to say that I’ve chosen a life of great contrast, and great growth, because of my experiences. I know that they are not complete, or I would not still be here.

In reflection of this Core Sphere of 18.5, there are other wound areas in a chart that I’ve been reflecting on…I’ve added in my 8.4 Conscious Chiron (“The Wounded Healer”) and 32.6 Conscious Pluto (Pluto being about transformation and rebirth.) With all the discussion about on the 18.5 core wound of judgment and the guilt associated with it, the transformation and rebirth appears to lie in the detachment from failure - in this case it feels like the failure of members of the family to be any different than those above them. The Veneration that happens in the Siddhi of the 32nd key starts with the overcoming of the karma of the past. The 6th line is about teaching others from the experiences learned. The Tranquility of the 32.6 in the Line Companion speaks of seeing into the future to know whether the change will bring tranquility or not, and to act accordingly. The “no more, not me, I’m ending this” vibe that I’ve carried through as a transformational edge, has taken time to get to the benefit of working through the Chiron wound. You see, my Core and Pluto are both consistent energies in a defined Spleen center…however, my Chiron is inconsitent in an undefined Throat center. The 4th line in the Chiron is about a wound in relationships, unhealed from some point even in past lives. The 8.4 in the Line Companion speaks of having the capacity to make contributions to others without necessarily being rewarded. To be very positive for others, but to suffer for self. The contributions to others can feel like they go unnoticed, and thus feel unloved for what they do. Then there is a push to be the best, when we only need to be ourselves. If you remember above, I mentioned after being rejected many times, I then tried playing into what the others wanted and self-abandoned. The core lesson in this is to be your authentic self, and you will be seen for who you are and attract the right people. For me, detaching from everything that is not me, letting go of everything that doesn’t align with me, and allowing myself to express my authenticity is going to be the biggest factor in what direction my life goes in…and I feel that is universal to all of us. It is why through the lessons I’ve learned, that I’ve encouraged others to focus on their authentic selves no matter what the dilemmas that they struggle with are. Just as it is a focal point in my design, being the authentic YOU is paramount to fulfilling your journey.